So just when you think God has given you a baby food type of nugget to enjoy… on parenting this time…something comes up that makes me rethink and refine it maybe. Pastor Phil at our church preached a few weeks ago on don’t ask kids why they did something. We all know they (and we) have sinful hearts. He gave the example from Genesis when God asks Adam, What did you do? He didn’t ask why did you eat of the fruit. (Genesis 3:12). He talked about when we answer the what we have a repentant heart. I know that often I want to know they why of Adeline. It was great to think the purpose is to get them to repentance. Sometimes I don’t know WHY I have sinned when I know I shouldn’t have done it that way. Pastor Phil talked about parenting from the Bible and not going off on Books.
However another Pastor in our church has mentioned a good resource is Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. In the very first few pages it mentions that we, as parents need to get to the why (the heart of the child) and not just the what of the actions of the child. Okay… so at first I am thinking Why do I read or listen to anything on parenting when God keeps directing me I need to know His word all the more and lean less on men. Then it seems to start melding together. We need them to repent, but we also need to teach them or as Tedd Tripp says lead them on a path of discovery. This path being to the attitudes of their heart. That being what would help them see how God works from the inside out. To a 2 year old I don’t see it working. To my now oh so sweet, but pushing all the limits 3 year old I see some room for instruction on self control, enjoying a toy and bringing sadness to someone else (by not sharing) is also a sin. I am really only on page 11 (and it put me to sleep, though most books do at 9pm).
So for now, my girls will hear who, what, when, why and how just to make sure I cover all the bases…. ha ha!
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5 comments:
Hey! I'm reading that book, too! It's conflicting. I'm not 100% sure of the discipline chapters later in the book (basically a no-tolerance attitude) but definitely some great points!
I loved that sermon, too, but instantly started asking "but what if..." and "what about when..." and thought it should be more thoroughly defined (impossible to do in the amount of time allotted). But overall I liked the idea behind it that wrong is wrong, no matter why, and that repentence is what matters. Also that asking why hints at conditional love. But as parents, knowing why helps to change and correct the problem. I'm still not experienced at this, but am mortified as I try to wade through it all in my mind in preparation for those years!
I with ya'll there on asking the why vs what. Right now where we are seems like I do ask the what and make him tell me but I can see where recognizing the "why" would be important too. Then they learn to recognize their motives, I think. Good thought stuff. Missing you, Friend.
Your last line cracked me up! I can identify - that's for sure.
Actually as I was reading my Bible today a verse stood out to me about this very issue (and this was even before I read your blog... isn't it cool how God does that?)! Anyway... it's from Psalm 60:11-12.
"Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies."
While David had real human enemies to contend with, God pointed out to me that this same principle holds true when facing my "enemies" today (which are not my children, btw) :-). My enemies are the challenges I face - a big one of which is parenting. God is the One who gives the victory. He is the One on whom we must rely for help. David says here that, "the help of man is worthless," but based on what I'm reading of his life I think his meaning was that it's worthless in comparison with God's help. David did enlist humans to help him in his battles - he didn't go out there alone and wait for God to zap his enemies (although God did that a few times, too). David was prepared and brought his army with him, but he knew he'd better consult God first and that ultimately it was God giving the victory. So in application to us, I think it's good to read books and listen to sermons, but to know that the only way we'll be victorious parents is by aligning ourselves with and listening to God and not a particular "expert" or his/her ideas.
Hey there! I am currently in a MOPS Bible study this summer at my church in Largo, FL. We are going through the book, "Don't Make Me Count to Three". From what others say, it follows closely with the book you mentioned, but it is written by another mom. The best part of the book so far is talking about how the parent needs to have scriptured memorized to teach the child what God says about different sins and not just doing what mom or dad say. It gives a lot of different scenarios and scriptures to use to correct and train your child. Anyway, just thought I would mention the book...it makes a great Bible study with other moms, too! Hope all is well with everyone at Westside! We miss you all!
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